Month: November 2015

0099

These are stone killers, little man. They ain’t cuddly like me. Military people don’t make out with science people. I’ve got four brothers, none of them Democrats. Stay away from hyena people, or any loser athletes, or if you see anyone who’s invisible. My egg is Jewish.
Yes, I’d forgotten you’re moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. I brought you some supper but if you’d prefer a lecture, I’ve a few very catchy ones prepped: sin and hellfire, one has lepers. Passion rules us all. Well, I’m sure I’m in serious need of some moral spankitude, but guess who’s not qualified to be my Rabbi? Can everybody just notice how much fire I’m not on?
Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists. Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. See if you were really a witch, you’d do a spell to escape. Shh! No programs, don’t use that word. Just be Buffy. Magic’s all balderdash and chicanery. No, they’re something nightmares are from. Time for some thrilling heroics.
It was like the Heimlich, with stripes! My egg is Jewish. It’s about women. Okay, at this point you’re abusing sarcasm. Men, with your sales. I’m the one who brings about the thought-pocalypse.
I love what you are, what you do, how you try. Frankly, it’s ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not…interlock. Stay away from hyena people, or any loser athletes, or if you see anyone who’s invisible. First of all, Feng Shui up the yin yang, also I designed parts of it but I did not design the stone cold foxes in the small clothes and the ample massage facilities. Sarcastic? Unfeeling? British? Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. So, I’m wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel. These are stone killers, little man. They ain’t cuddly like me. We live in a space ship, dear.
So, I’m wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Stay away from hyena people, or any loser athletes, or if you see anyone who’s invisible. My Uncle Rory was the stodgiest taxidermist you’ve ever met by day. Ain’t it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?
We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel. For this plan to work, River and I will have to be dead. You haven’t seen my drawer of inappropriate starches? I’m the one who brings about the thought-pocalypse. Who’s calling me? Everybody I know lives here. With any luck, he’ll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates. I’ll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there’s a woman. Or if I’m getting paid. Mostly when I’m getting paid.
You can’t spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.
Don’t strain your brain trying, then. Might break something. Instead you go all Dumbledore on me. I’ll never leave. Not even if you kill me. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and then I spent the next six hours watching my hand move. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn’t even stand in line, did you? You’re the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me.
Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be Bunnies! Turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse. No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. Oh my god you will never believe what happened at school today. You could, uh, could have, like, a world without shrimp, or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. Seems odd you’d name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of. Yeah, well, I’m not the one who wanted Wind Beneath My Wings for the first dance.

tetry

Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, ’cause I don’t think that’s ever getting old. Big damn heroes, sir. Oh my god you will never believe what happened at school today. It’s funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to. Welcome to the nancy tribe. If you say ‘adorabubble,’ I’m leaving.
Risk the pain, it is your nature. With any luck, he’ll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates. All monkeys are French. You didn’t know that? Everybody started singing and dancing. In my world, we have people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.
Winning over your enemy, the one person guaranteed to reject everything you are, that’s real love. But I haven’t spent any money! I was all… dead and frugal. You can’t open the book of my life and jump in the middle. They are come to the killing floor. I figure, if I’m responsible for the end of the world, I get to name it. Okay, uh, I’m lost. I’m angry. And I’m armed. Basically, this is what some of your more famous serial killers’ brains look like. Say, aren’t you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug? How did your brain even learn human speech? I’m just so curious. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other ’til it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends.
I figure, if I’m responsible for the end of the world, I get to name it. The living legend needs eggs! Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. It’s like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. Passion rules us all. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.
The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life was when you were dead. Time for some thrilling heroics. Ain’t it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny? When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
She is the slayer. I wanna hurt you, but I can’t resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body! It’s like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog.
Apocalypse, we’ve all been there; the same old trips, why should we care? Looking in windows, knocking on doors. I am never gonna see a merman, ever. I’ve got four brothers, none of them Democrats. So we’ll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God’s creation of Eden. What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Why can’t you just masturbate like the rest of us? Stay away from hyena people, or any loser athletes, or if you see anyone who’s invisible.
You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, ‘Hey, kids, where’s the cool parties this weekend?’ Better to cut you down to size, grandma.
I don’t want to use the word genius, but I’d be ok if you wanted to. We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker! You’d best make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I heart my porn, but this is cool! Your futures are murky; you’d do well to heed my…I’m still on speakerphone, aren’t I? We’re outlaws with hearts of gold. Instead you go all Dumbledore on me.
I mean, officially I deplore violence, but that was totally worth the loss of karma points! Uh, hey, I got a idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art critic ’til I get pinched by the man, how’s about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work, and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day. How’s that? No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. You sanguine about the kind of reception we’re apt to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap’n?